What Does Loss Feel Like?

I feel like a child of mine left home today. After twenty years of feeling a sense of responsibility for my mom, she moved to another city to live with my sister.  My emotions are running the gamete. I feel such a huge sense of loss. I want to scream to the world to stop and put things back in order.  I also feel such a sense of relief. Which is weird, because I never knew I had any sense of responsibility until it was gone.

I am hopeful this move will allow her happiness, the happiness which seems to have eluded her most of her life.  It would make me ever so happy if she were finally happy.  But, does happiness come from our circumstances? Certainly not! So, my hope dissolves to this somber reality.  I pray my brother-in-law will be able to care for her better than I could have.  What a blessing that would be.

Of this I’m certain, there is much uncertainty.  I have no clue how her life will play out. But, I can say, I’ve never been more proud of her than I am at this moment.  She has chosen the hard road. She is brave, courageous and has such a fierce love for God that she is willing to leave everything she knows to travel into the unknown.  Kind of reminds me of Abraham.  Yes, she is in a wilderness of sorts with the uncertainty of a job and a new surroundings.  God will either enable her or provide a plan we all at this point have no idea how it will play out.  Again, Abraham, in faith, went to sacrifice his son, Issac.  Will God provide a ram for her? Or does he have some other miracle planned for her? One that will, no doubt, display His glory?

I guess that’s why I’m so proud of her.  She is watching God paint the picture of her life.  She isn’t living life for herself. She’s living the plan He has for her. I’m so thankful I can trust God’s hand in this circumstance and I can’t wait to see what He does with her life.